it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
