i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
