ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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