I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
