Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Randomize
