So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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