took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
