I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
