You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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