He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
