You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
