i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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