I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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