No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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