I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he puts the penis in happiness.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
