I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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