Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
