He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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