i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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