Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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