so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
