remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
