I cockslap morals
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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