Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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