remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
