Just fell off a train. Bad.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
