You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
