i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
