You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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