Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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