apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
