does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
