is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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