I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
