The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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