U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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