hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
