Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
