Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
