my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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