how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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