Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
