Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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