So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
