Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
