Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
