Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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