Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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