Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
