You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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