Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
