Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
